A suggested solution to the problem of household overcognitivity

What does one do when his girlfriend starts studying sociology and psychology in the university (or whatever), and her conversation changes accordingly? It is this problem that this short, yet rather informative and entertaining paper will deal with.
The problem can be best demonstrated by the following typical dialog, involving the honorable student:
Boy: "Hello! How was your day?"
Girl: "You know, the funniest of things happened! We were discussing in class a new paradigm of Cognitive-Psychology, in which the brain is described in terms of layers and sub-systems, and their relation to what we call 'cognitivity'…" [3 minutes of talking] "…and so that stupid student didn't know the difference between 'system' and 'paradigm', and I said 'well, I bet she's not cognitive anyway', and we all laughed!"

How can the average, uneducated male respond to this kind of abuse? There are several existing answers, which will now be detailed:
The flattering approach: "Yes, you look very cognitive today, dear!"
The ALISA approach: "How does Cognitivity make you feel about your mother?"
The Freudian approach: "How does Paradigm make you feel about your mother?"
The natural approach: "Woman! Where's my dinner?!"

As can be seen, each of the abovementioned reactions has some disadvantages, which, if used, might develop into grave consequenses. In order to solve this, a new, advanced method of problem analysis was developed by your humble servant. Instead of a lengthy description, an illuminating example will be given, in which the problem will be re-presented, and the solution given:

—————-

You are now inside the Living Room. It is a nice room with some furniture. To the east there's the porch, and to the west there's the kitchen.
You see: Table.
You see: Sofa.
You see: Stereo.
You see: Girlfriend.
You can go: Eest, West.
What do you want to do?
]] Say to Girlfriend "Hello! How was your day?"

Girlfriend says: "You know, the funniest of things happened! We were discussing in class a new paradigm of Cognitive-Psychology, in which the brain is described in terms of layers and sub-systems, and their relation to what we call 'cognitivity'…" [3 minutes of talking] "…and so that stupid student didn't know the difference between 'system' and 'paradigm', and I said 'well, I bet she's not cognitive anyway', and we all laughed!"

What do you want to do?
]] Go E

You are now inside the Porch. It seems to be the 3rd floor up. Below you can see Ibn-Gvirol street. To the west there's the living room.
You see: curtains.
You see: Chair.
What do you want to do?
]]

Girlfriend has entered the room.
You see: curtains.
You see: Chair.
You see: Girlfriend.
What do you want to do?
]] Jump

—————-

Q.E.D.

I dare say that this advanced method of analysis is actually a new paradigm in understanding and relating to the cognitivity factor of domestic problems.

8 תגובות

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    • iod on 7 בדצמבר 2005 at 14:23

    Just ask her "Well, you know what Adorno would've said about that, right?" with a knowing smirk.

    Then jump.

    • joebrown42 on 7 בדצמבר 2005 at 14:45

    I say don't wait til she comes home…

    • avgboojie on 7 בדצמבר 2005 at 15:43

    LOL. Extremely proper.

    You should just count your blessings that she's not doing a Ph.D. in IIT (that's some field in cognitive sciences or something). I have a first degree in psychology (cum laude) and half a Ph.D., and I still don't understand a word Guy says when he starts commenting about his research.
    Unfortunately, he still expects me to help him develop it.

    • cogitationitis on 8 בדצמבר 2005 at 5:39

    Okay, that made even me glaze over…and as one can tell, I'm not exactly afraid of cognition (or cogitation, which is from the same latinate root, cognos).

    • jspoons on 8 בדצמבר 2005 at 13:05

    I prefer jumping straight. That way my body wouldn't be mutilated afterwards…

    • jspoons on 8 בדצמבר 2005 at 13:07

    I was rather glazed and confused as well. Of course, after said girlfriend read this entry, I'm confused no more, and the visiting hours in the hospital are 09:00-16:00.

    • anavish on 17 בדצמבר 2005 at 11:40

    Text-adventure metaphores are so sparse in modern research. Thank you so much for this illuminating example.

    The true solution, however, is to fight fire with fire. Based on my very loose familiarity with you, I know for certain that you can fight anything that anyone says just by talking back. You know what I'm talking about. Say, talk to her about Octal Assembly or whatnot.

    • jspoons on 17 בדצמבר 2005 at 12:19

    But then, who'll cook my dinner?

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